A Cause Without a Rebel

I don’t find the myth of the starving artist to be alluring. I don’t relish the idea of the writer in the garret, scotch bottle at his right, cigarette smoldering in the overflowing ashtray. I’m not drawn to self-destructive he-men like Jackson Pollock splattering his work over giant floor-sized canvases while his wife sacrifices her art and happiness on the altar of his genius. I don’t need to die young, wrapped bone and sinew in the chassis of my Porsche 550.

There are days when I actually consider that might be why I’m not a better artist.

Then I remember this guy, a printmaker of some skill, which was a friend of the family. My mother and her husband were both amazing artists in their fields but both suffered from anxiety disorder as well as other emotional scarring and trauma. This printmaker actually said “I wish I could have panic attacks so I could be a great artist”. Obviously he lacked the imagination required to move from ‘competent’ to ‘great’.

When I have my moments of angst over my lack of success as an artist I like to think about Raphael. He was hugely successful, very prolific, handsome, and amiable. What more could you ask for? Oh wait, he died at 37 years old. Ok, but that wasn’t too bad right? After all it was the Renaissance, more dangerous times and all.

Wait, hold on… I’m rummaging through my hard drive for more examples of happy productive artists (preferably ones that were slow starters because they were too busy just sort of wandering around aimlessly until their mid-thirties)…

Hmm… Rembrandt won’t do because though he started out happy and successful (in love with his wife Saskia) he ended up with tragedy and poverty.

Maybe painters aren’t the best source for the happy successful artists sans angst? I should turn to literature.

Ah! Henry Miller.

I’m sure he had his moments of angst but he lived a very long life, was successful during his lifetime, and screwed tons and tons of beautiful interesting broads. There you go. Oh and on the subject of long lives I did think of a painter: Picasso! So he was an asshole to all around him. I’m sure he was totally happy.

I, too, can be a happy successful artist. Of course if I’m not an asshole will that hinder me? Perhaps I should cultivate being more of a jerk?

Or maybe, just maybe, I should stop navel gazing and write something besides another blog post?

Oh, ok, I just have to share this will all three of you that read this: so last night I’m trying to go to sleep but the lovely lady has on her show because she’s not quite sleepy yet and I’m trying to ignore it, but you know I can’t ignore dialogue. I start to listen whether I want to or not. I’m not sure what show she was watching but I wish I had a photographic memory so I could share with you all (that’s you five over there) the deathless bad writing. I never ever heard anything so hackneyed in my life. Without seeing the actors or other distracting visual content I could just focus on the clichés. It was horrendous. I had to turn on my light and start reading Elmore Leonard before I made an ass of myself and told her just how crappy the show was. Would that have qualified me as an asshole artist? Did my restraint forever doom me to be just another wannabe?

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About panhistoria

writer, online community creator, and artist View all posts by panhistoria

3 responses to “A Cause Without a Rebel

  • Joielle

    No, I’d say it simply means that you care more about her feelings than about being right at the expense of hurting her feelings. As for that qualifying you as just another ‘wannabe’, I would say no; it simply means that you are human.

    Now, that said, we could debate about whether writers and artists are human, (of course, we know they are; after all, every writer I know is very human)or do they simply seem to look at what is worst in human frailities and analyze them ad nauseum. We also know that is not true, for they also dig into what is the best of humanity as well.

  • ceylanthewriter

    It shows that everyone should work on all their talents instead of relying on one.

    Ceylan

  • panhistoria

    Thanks for the comments.

    My post was a tad tongue in cheek, as indicated by my comment about the printer that wanted to be mentally ill so he could be a better artist.

    I honestly hope that I don’t have to be an asshole or emotionally in pain to be a better artist.

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